How my preschooler shot a man in Reno just to watch him die... and other inappropriate song lyrics for my daughter shouldn't know

If you know me, you know I LOVE music. I'm kind of like an idiot savant when it comes to lyrics too.
I have passed this down to my kiddos... some intentionally... some not so much. But I have to say, my kiddos are well cultured in everything pop/rock from the 1960s on. I should also mention that one of Faith's favorite songs right now is Yesterday by The Beatles. Yeah, she gets that from me... and I am very proud.

I love that they get music, how it can be used to communicate meaning... feelings.

A couple of years ago, we had a girls day out to the Rock Hall in Cleveland to see the Women who Rock exhibit. They got totally geeked out like I did about the dress that Cyndi Lauper wore in the "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" video, and Joan Jett's leather jacket. I should mention, though, that their fascination with Lady Gaga's meat dress was a little disappointing.
As proud as I am with my girls' knowledge and love of music, I have to admit, it hasn't always been the case, and has created some embarrassing moments for me as a parent. This has happened more with Lucy than with Faith. I think I censored myself more with Faith, since she was the oldest, thus more sheltered of my children. It may also be compounded to Lucy always being in tow with me, with my mp3 player plugged into the mommobile, the minivan I used to have, with my music blasting through the speakers. Such exposure enabled Lucy to do the following things as a young child:

When Lucy was in preschool, she sang, "I want to rock and roll all night, and party every day" during craft time.

Also, it is quite remarkable (perhaps not in a good way) when my young child sang that she doesn't give a damn about her reputation while accompanying me through the grocery store. Yeah... I am THAT mom. Should I blame Joan Jett? No, I think I am going to blame Shrek for that one since it was in the movie. I'm going to ignore the fact that it was on my playlist

One of my most favorite memories about inappropriate song lyrics was Lucy singing along to Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues. Even though I've always taught her to "always be a good girl, don't ever play with guns," my sweet little daughter sang, "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die."

Is it appropriate... no. But it sure was funny.

It doesn't stop there, friends. We had an interesting parenting fail with song lyrics this past November.

One of my favorite shows ever is Saturday Night Live, and I have started introducing the girls to some of the funnier, yet cleaner, skits. One of our favorites, of course, is the Will Ferrell/Christoper Walken COWBELL sketch. However, there was one episode with Tom Hanks, that was not at all suitable for my nine year old to watch. I admit, I had fallen asleep while she was snuggling with me, and she was WIDE AWAKE watching the whole thing.

The sketch was Tom Hanks and Andy Samberg, dressed as the "I'm Too Sexy" guys from the 90s. And, they were singing about testicles.

And it became Lucy's favorite song for about a day.

The day before Thanksgiving, we were driving to dinner, and I hear my little angel singing about testicles in the backseat. Greg and I look at each other, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Lucy, what are you singing about?

Lucy: I'm singing about testicles.

Me: Where did you hear that song.

Lucy: Last night on Saturday Night Live when you fell asleep.

Me: Lucy, do you know what testicles are?

Lucy: No.

Me: Well, Lu, it's a boy body part. You don't have testicles, so stop singing about them.

Lucy: Ok.

So yeah... it's a parenting fail... but at least it's an entertaining parenting fail, right?

Saving Boobs and Killing Babies....

Let's Do This!!

So, Monday morning I went to pick up my Komen Race for the Cure t shirt and number bib. Normally, my company goes and picks them up for all employees, but this time I missed the cutoff. (Yes, I am a slacker) Anyway, while I was there I got screamed at for supporting a baby killing organization.

I was minding my own business, waiting for my turn to step up to the Komen table to get my shirt and bib, for the race on Saturday. When this crazy Westboro Baptist Church type Christian...went all  on me legalistic and crazy on me and the Komen workers. Now, let me clarify a few things for you.




1. I am a Christian.
2. I personally, do not believe in abortion, but just because I feel that way I am not condemning anyone who has had one for one reason or another.
3. The Race for the Cure is important to me because my mother-in-law had breast cancer. She is tough, and fabulous.
4. I can't stand people who call themselves Christians, but behave completely crazy, in the name of God.

Now, that we are all clear, I will continue with my story.

New Kicks!! Race for the Cure 2013

So, while I standing in line, a gentleman asked me if I was there to participate in the Race for the Cure. I responded, "Yes, Sir I am". Then he began yelling at me and putting his finger in my face...(Which is not something you want to do to me). At the top of his lungs started screaming.... baby killer!!!, you baby killer!! I was so stunned I could not say anything (Being speechless is not something I am used to). My brain just could not process that this man was calling me a baby killer..me of all people??!!Seriously??..While, I am in a state of utter disbelief the Komen workers tried to make him shut up by explaining to him, that the Columbus branch of Komen never gave any money to Planned Parenthood, and at the national level they gave for preventative OBGYN services. They also offered him the number of the corporate entity that could answer all his questions....Well, he kept screaming baby killers, and a bunch of other not so wonderful stuff, and finally mall security hauled him off. It wasn't until I got in the car that this started to bother me...In fact, it made me pretty mad....So much so, that I had to vent about it on Facebook...Read  Below

Dear Man at the Komen Booth at the mall, You sir, are an ASS. If you knew how to read you would know that Komen gives money to Planned Parenthood, for women that can't afford mammograms. I know in your head that probably equates to killing babies... You really succeeded in making Jesus look an ASS today, with your stupid religious BS. Jesus loves you anyway...but I am having a really hard time right now....And, I am going to continue to walk in Race for the Cure, because this disease has affected my family. Thank you....TAM (The Komen walker you were screaming at)

Again, I walk because I can, I walk because I hope to make the world a little easier for someone else. I walk because, someday someone may need to walk for me. I am just trying to leave this world a little better than I found it.

What would you have done?? How would you have handled the guy in the mall? I was to shocked to say or do anything. It was very weird.

To learn more about Race for the Cure/Komen Foundation click here.

TAM's PSA - Feel yourself up regularly, and if you are over 40 go get a mammogram. It may save your life. While you are at it  visit our real life friends, Jenny and Emily at mommin' it up for additional commentary on this topic.

Who needs a saw when you have a drawer full of steak knives?

Yeah... we are awesome with home maintenance. 

If you are a frequent reader of the blog, you know that I am a great supervisor when my husband mows the lawn.  If you want to read about it, click here. 

Tam is also a great painter, and in your blog entry, she mentioned about how she used coasters to rehang her door.  I was very impressed, because I'm about just as handy around the house.  Maybe even more so.

I've once fixed a toilet with a wire hanger and a shoelace.

I've also fixed a door with nail polish and file.

And I've fixed a BATHROOM DOOR with a steak knife, hammer, and screw driver.

So... when my father in law was cutting dowel rods for Lucy's bunk bed, I mentioned that I'll go get the steak knife.

He wasn't amused, just as I wasn't amused when he murdered my front lawn. 

I've actually had quite a few steak knives ruined with my woodworking projects in the past. 

I also installed a window air conditioner which needed a little rigging, with screws, and duct tape.  I should also wasn't the ordinary duct tape.  One roll was turquoise, one was paint splotches, and to finish the masterpiece, another roll was skull and crossbones.

And it never fell out onto anyone... like in Happy Gilmore. 

You see, my handiness is my ingenuity partnered with my one grading period of 7th grade woodworking class skills.  I mean, I made a candlestick holder and a shelf (which fell apart when used).  Perhaps that is not a good example. 

My ways may not be conventional, but they work... as long as you don't mind mustache duct tape holding the project together.